Turn Signal Rage

OMG! I'm sorry to say it but I have to admit I am a borderline, closet road rager. What does this mean you may ask?

Well, I try not to act on my emotions. But trust me they are there.

And what brings this out in me? People who don't really know what that amazing little stick on the side of their steering is for.

I'm talking Turn Signal here. Seriously, I was driving into work and more times than not a driver in front of me would slam on the breaks and turn right, or my favorite, they would cut across three lanes to get to the left hand turn lane. No signal. Just a blind faith that everyone else around them would get the mental GPS going on in the driver's head and react accordingly. Which basically means not ramming your car up their tailpipe. Trust me, if I didn't like my own car so much and feared for a higher insurance rate I would step on the gas and give it all I got. Then, I would look the person in the eye once we got out of the cars and simply say, "Turn Signal Broken." Then hand them a card to my mechanic.

My favorite variation of this is when instead of the turn signal they stick their hand out the window and point in the direction they are heading, as if they were on a bicycle. Because you know the time it takes to roll down your window and stick your hand out is much less labor intensive than flipping that little stick, right by your hand, on the steering wheel that your hands are on. Maybe the men I've seen doing this (And, yes, it is always a man) are just interested in showing off a new watch or something. Maybe they just got a manicure and the air will help harder the clear gloss top coat.

Whatever the reason, I find it a little Bass Ackwards. And I know the day will come that I will see that nasty crash as a result. I just hope it's not me.

Drive Safe, Buckle Up, and reach for that Turn Signal. Some automotive genius went to a lot of work to create that cool little stick that blinks colorful lights at people. Let's honor him for his contribution to the daily commute.

How Do You Let Go?

Many things have come to light as I sit and work on my next book. Maybe it's been harder to get a handle on my emotions with this one because it is personal and it is REAL. There is no escaping the reality of life and diving into the realm of the supernatural with this one.

It has made me ask myself at least a dozen times a day: How do you let go when so much of yourself is wrapped up in something? How and when will you get to that point where you throw your arms up and go, Okay that's all I can do, it's all I can process and now I need to let it go.

This is my dilemma in life and unfortunately I have never truly had a handle on being able to just let something go without a lot of emotion behind it.

Example: I loved my first car and even though people get excited about getting a new one there was still something that tied me to that car. Was it the fact it was my first car? Could be. Maybe it was because my hard earned money went into it and even though I couldn't sell it for what I got it for it was still MY earnings that made owning the Mazda my personal little victory. I knew the car inside and out and got the oil changed and other maintenance when it was due.

In the end I finally broke down and sold my car to a friend and took over my husbands Passat Wagon as he got a New Mazda. For months, maybe even a year after my friend bought my car, I would look at it fondly sitting in front of their house and have one of those slow-mo flashback moments like you see in movies.

I now get to suffer through this same kind of emotional attachment/detachment over the possibility of moving from my current home. I can't help thinking how nice it would have been just to get a turn key house that didn't need any work. A home that I didn't put so much heart and soul into. I do remember moving from my previous home with a heavy heart.

I realize that this is due to the memories that are created. The little details that make a house/apartment/condo a home. It's that little piece of your heart and soul that breathes life into the place you call home each day. It's that feeling that hits you as you turn the key in the lock and walk into your sanctuary. It's hard to think of leaving. A bittersweet symphony as the song goes.

So as I get ready and try my best to mentally prepare for the hard road ahead I can't help but wonder if I will ever be able to let go to the point of feeling that warmth of being able to look at a new place and call it HOME without having the flashbacks overwhelm my mind and recall all the memories of my current home, like the birth of my son and every little milestone he accomplished on his way to his seventh year. Walking, talking, playing. The insane amount of blood, sweat and tears that went into renovations. Every detail picked by hand. Taking care of the house like it was my second child.

I am not sure how to let go but I have decided to take it slow and can only hope that when the day comes when I am moving that I have been able to let go a little and even though I will leave with a heavy heart I pray that new memories will help to balance out the old ones.

The Moment Time Stands Still

Okay, this post is a compliment to my last one where I rattled on about how time zooms by us with lightening speed.

This weekend I discovered one of those rare and amazing moments when time actually stands still. Or at least as close to still as I will ever get.

My friend Renee, who I met in 8th grade and who has been the friend I've had the longest, and I decided to catch up. Now, it has been well over a year since we have talked and heard each others voice. We have exchanged an email or message here and there but, seeing that we are both working moms with a lot going on and an entire country between us it's hard to find time. Cue the lightning flash.

And the greatest thing when her and I do make contact is that time for how ever long I talk with her slows down and I feel like a rush of fresh air floods my lungs and clears my head. It's not like she's miles away in Pennsylvania. I feel like she's right in the room with me and no time has passed. At least until we fill each other in on all the things in our lives that have transpired over the months and years.

Then that's when a twinge of guilt hits and I feel like crap for not calling sooner.

No matter the time though, as we sit and talk it's like time has taken its own break and for the brief moment that we have we can breath a sigh of relief and relax into our time together. No kids demanding attention, no dishes needing to be washed that minute, and no errands to run. Just time that is ours. For how few and far between these moments are, I will cherish every one of them and welcome them with open arms.

Time Keeps on Slipping...Slipping...Slipping into the Future!

I so dated myself with the Title of this Blog but..Oh, well. I couldn't resist. Especially since two (okay actually three) months have gotten away from me without a post.

I don't know why but, there is just something creepy and scary that happens once the month of October hits. It's as if we are all sucked into a vacuum of time and there is no way of knowing where we are at. Is it really Monday or have we overcome the beginning of the week and are already at hump day? Maybe it's really Friday and that means all the crap I was suppose to take care of three days ago is now extremely late. Oh, well. What ya gonna do? Strap on a safety harness and hold on tight because this roller coaster isn't over yet.

So Halloween blended into Thanksgiving that fed into Hanuka which fell into Christmas that spit us out right at the beginning of a shiny new year. Because frankly you have to think of the new year as shiny like that bright copper penny the checker at the grocery store just gave you. That penny is just starting it's journey and has many months to go until it is dirty and tainted. Which will be by the time that creepy little month of October sneaks up on us again.

I remember as a child whining about how long it was between the holidays and why didn't they come sooner? Now I try to hold myself back from telling my son when he says the same thing to: "Please quit asking because they come too fast for mommy."

It's unfair if you think about it really. In our youth we are blessed with a high metabolism, excess energy, need less sleep and feel like we have an infinite amount of time. And then as we get older and wiser in our years instead of being rewarded, little by little we lose the metabolism and need more sleep which in turn sucks away more time from our already busy lives. And the holidays that we use to look forward to are now just a stress factor to an already chaotic existence. And I ask you, How in the hell is this fair? I know life's not fair but come on for crying in the sink. Throw us a bone every now and then, that's all I'm asking.

Anyway, I'm back. For reals this time and after talking to my friend from Arizona, let's call her Arizona Stacy so as not to confuse anyone, I have decided to put all the effort I can into blogging at least 4 times a month. I'm going to try and do 3 more posts before the end of January just to keep it even. So I will be busy writing the next 4 days. (I started this post and never finished so today is really 1/26/11) But once we launch into February I will post every Wednesday. (Thanks for the idea Stac)

If I feel like there is something that just can't wait I'll post an extra blog. Think of it as a BB-Bonus Blog.

I am still writing and have yet to restart the query process. After seeing the success of many people in my writing groups who have gotten agents and publishers I myself have taken a step back to reevaluate what I want from the process. I LOVE writing and telling stories but right now they belong to me and I can take my time to craft them and give them my heart and soul. I like that. Once they cross over into the next realm of the agented and published author I will be playing in someone else's ballpark and not my own.

So, I will keep writing with the goal of having 4 works of Fiction completed and one memoir that is currently in the making before I actively pursue publication. Don't get me wrong, I will still send out stuff but, it will be more like a trickling stream instead of a raging river.

With a full time job and a full time child it's hard to imagine a full time writing career at this time. I was never very fond of deadlines in High School and College and right now I don't feel ready to go back in time to those time constraints. So I am off to the zen world of writing until the writing gods tell me it's time to move into the next arena.

Happy New Year Everyone! SHINY PENNIES FOR ALL!