Locker Rooms:Disgusting, Rude and Vain-Part 1

Now, you may think I am referring to the images we have all seen in sports films or news coverage from a sporting event or post game locker room commentary on ESPN.

But alas...No.

I am referring to the shocking behaviors I have witnessed in what should have been the calm and serene safety of the Women's Locker Room.

Yes, you heard me right. The WOMEN's locker room.

You tend to think of ladies as being polite, demure, clean. Well, I have witnessed enough sights and unfortunately, sounds, to put the men's locker room to shame.

It is all too much to write about in one blog so I present you with this, Part 1.

Let's begin on a lovely Friday afternoon. The birds were singing, the air was crisp and I had just finished a relaxing Pilate's class. I was feeling euphoric.

So, I casually walked into the locker room and started to pull my things from my locker. Then, I heard it. A sound that transcended all sounds. Not a fart. Not a belch. But, the sound of a 300 pound man hocking a loogie.

The problem is that it didn't come from a 300 pound man but, a small demure maybe 130 pound woman in her 50's.

Terrifying doesn't begin to describe how this affected me. At first it was sheer shock that sent my mind swimming. Did women really do this? Images of surly men walking down the street coughing up that disgusting ball of phlegm before spewing it out onto the sidewalk or out a car window came to mind.

At least with men they cough, spit and move on. This woman in the locker room didn't seem to have an off switch. The more times she did it the more I had to fight the urge to gag. And worse...throw up on the spot.

Then, to add insult to injury. This woman spit into her hand. Not a tissue, not a towel, toilet, sidewalk or out a car, but her bare hand.

I quickly grabbed my ipod, slammed the ear buds in and pressed play to drown out the vile sounds that made me want to retch. And where Pink's Bad Influence filled my ears to curb the hacking phlegm bombs this lady (and I now use this term loosely) was expelling, it couldn't cut the sight of her rubbing her own loogie in and on her hands.

I kid you not. I would never have imagined in a million years that this would be something I would bare witness to. Most certainly not by a fellow X-chromosome.

I got dressed as quickly as I could and high tailed it out of there. Since then I have made sure not to linger around when I see this same woman in or even around the locker room. Luckily, I only run into her once a week but she's there most mornings. I can see her working out as I pass the windows at the gym after getting my morning tea.

I feel a pang of pity for my fellow endorphin junkies as they shower and try to start their day after having to listen to the loogie Olympics as I now refer to this woman's antics.

Part 2 will soon follow being that I only have one stomach to lose per story. The next one is another tale to test the gag reflex.

Makes you think twice about the lady like qualities that should separate the women from the men. But I am getting a hard dose of locker room reality on a steady basis.