How Do You Let Go?

Many things have come to light as I sit and work on my next book. Maybe it's been harder to get a handle on my emotions with this one because it is personal and it is REAL. There is no escaping the reality of life and diving into the realm of the supernatural with this one.

It has made me ask myself at least a dozen times a day: How do you let go when so much of yourself is wrapped up in something? How and when will you get to that point where you throw your arms up and go, Okay that's all I can do, it's all I can process and now I need to let it go.

This is my dilemma in life and unfortunately I have never truly had a handle on being able to just let something go without a lot of emotion behind it.

Example: I loved my first car and even though people get excited about getting a new one there was still something that tied me to that car. Was it the fact it was my first car? Could be. Maybe it was because my hard earned money went into it and even though I couldn't sell it for what I got it for it was still MY earnings that made owning the Mazda my personal little victory. I knew the car inside and out and got the oil changed and other maintenance when it was due.

In the end I finally broke down and sold my car to a friend and took over my husbands Passat Wagon as he got a New Mazda. For months, maybe even a year after my friend bought my car, I would look at it fondly sitting in front of their house and have one of those slow-mo flashback moments like you see in movies.

I now get to suffer through this same kind of emotional attachment/detachment over the possibility of moving from my current home. I can't help thinking how nice it would have been just to get a turn key house that didn't need any work. A home that I didn't put so much heart and soul into. I do remember moving from my previous home with a heavy heart.

I realize that this is due to the memories that are created. The little details that make a house/apartment/condo a home. It's that little piece of your heart and soul that breathes life into the place you call home each day. It's that feeling that hits you as you turn the key in the lock and walk into your sanctuary. It's hard to think of leaving. A bittersweet symphony as the song goes.

So as I get ready and try my best to mentally prepare for the hard road ahead I can't help but wonder if I will ever be able to let go to the point of feeling that warmth of being able to look at a new place and call it HOME without having the flashbacks overwhelm my mind and recall all the memories of my current home, like the birth of my son and every little milestone he accomplished on his way to his seventh year. Walking, talking, playing. The insane amount of blood, sweat and tears that went into renovations. Every detail picked by hand. Taking care of the house like it was my second child.

I am not sure how to let go but I have decided to take it slow and can only hope that when the day comes when I am moving that I have been able to let go a little and even though I will leave with a heavy heart I pray that new memories will help to balance out the old ones.